Ha ucciso il padre perché “non ne potevo più, i vicini si lamentavano delle sue urla“. Davanti al gip che la sentirà domani, Giovanna Jacob probabilmente ripeterà la sua drammatica confessione di domenica pomeriggio: “Forse ho ucciso mio padre, lo contenevo a letto perché non ne potevo più e i vicini si lamentavano delle sue urla“. 56 anni, è stata arrestata a Milano dai carabinieri con l’accusa di omicidio aggravato dal vincolo di parentela per la morte del padre Carlo, 87 anni, ex ingegnere elettronico e critico cinematografico affetto da una grave forma di demenza senile. Il teatro di quella che si configura come l’ennesima tragedia di padre e figlia in preda da tempo alla solitudine è stato un appartamento, alla periferia del capoluogo lombardo dove entrambi vivevano.

Il pm Guido Schininà ha già chiesto per Giovanna Jacob la convalida dell’arresto e che rimanga in carcere. La donna comparirà davanti al giudice Sonia Mancini nella giornata di domani e presumibilmente ripeterà che non era sua intenzione uccidere l’anziano padre ma che, ormai da qualche settimana, era costretta a legarlo al letto. Era sfiancata dalle cure che da sola doveva prestare quotidianamente al genitore ormai da oltre un anno. Poi erano arrivate le lamentele dei vicini per le urla e lei, non sapendo più che fare, da alcune settimane aveva cominciato a tappargli anche la bocca con dell’ovatta. Il padre Carlo si dibatteva infatti da tempo in preda alla demenza senile e urlava e lei aveva iniziato a contenerlo con ogni mezzo.

A chiamare i carabinieri del Nucleo radiomobile e della Compagnia Monforte domenica scorsa è stata proprio Giovanna Jacob, appassionata di cinema come il padre e autrice anche lei di articoli su alcune riviste: “Fate presto, venite, forse ho ucciso mio padre“. Ma quando sono arrivate le forze dell’ordine, per l’uomo non c’era più niente da fare. La donna ha ammesso davanti al suo letto di averlo imbavagliato e legato al letto “per evitare problemi con i condomini“. Domani ribadirà la sua verità e il giudice in base anche agli accertamenti tecnici e medico legali stabilirà la volontarietà del gesto o se invece sia sia trattato di una tragedia involontaria, maturata nella solitudine di un padre e di una figlia lasciati a se stessi. Senza che nessuno abbia mai segnalato problemi provenienti da quel trilocale.

L'articolo Milano, uccide il padre malato di demenza senile: arrestata. “Lo tenevo imbavagliato al letto per evitare problemi con i vicini” proviene da Il Fatto Quotidiano.

• Viaano Spruyt first became a caregiver as a teenager when his father fell ill.
• After his father died, he moved to Australia to study and build a life there.
• Three years later, he returned home to be closer to family after his mother's health scare.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Viaano Spruyt, 29, founder of Huddle, an AI-powered social network for fandoms. He is based in Singapore. It has been edited for length and clarity.

I first became a caregiver when I was a teenager.

My dad had an incurable respiratory disease, and he was on an oxygen tank every day. He would get breathless after walking for just a few minutes and needed help with day-to-day living.

Back then, my mom was the sole breadwinner for the family, and my sister was too young to grasp what was going on.

As the oldest child and only son, I took responsibility for his daily care. I fed him his meals and brought him to appointments at hospitals around Singapore.

He passed away when I was 19. Several years later, when I was 22, I moved to the Gold Coast in Australia on a scholarship. I earned my bachelor's in psychology, the first step toward my ambition to become a clinical psychologist.

Over the next three years, I built a real life in Australia.

I had assimilated into the culture, was in a serious relationship, and was set to pursue a master's degree. I was also in the process of applying for permanent residency.

My family was always in the back of my mind. Still, I wanted to experience life outside Singapore, and I was in the midst of building the future I thought I would have.

The call that changed everything

Then one day, I was reminded what it meant to be so far from home.

My mom was walking to catch a bus to work when her knees suddenly gave way. She kept calling me for help, but I'd missed her calls.

Unable to walk, she ended up sitting alone, crying for hours. A kind stranger eventually called for help, and she was taken to a local hospital. She was wheelchair-bound for the next few weeks. Later, she told me she wished I'd been there.

My mom is now 61 and has advanced osteoarthritis in both knees, with severe cartilage loss, meniscus damage, and joint degeneration.

When I asked why she had called me rather than my younger sister, my mom said she didn't want to distract my sister from her final exams and internship. Still, I was the first person she thought to call for help, even from thousands of miles away.

That was the exact moment I knew I had to come home.

Seeing what happened to my mom brought me back to when my dad was ill. I didn't want to be on the other side of the world when my mom was dealing with a health issue.

It wasn't just my mom. My grandparents, now in their 80s, were also getting older, and I realized my family needed me.

I came home and started over

After my mom's incident, I gave up the plans I'd made in Australia and moved back to Singapore in 2022. That was probably the hardest decision I have ever made in my life.

My Australian girlfriend moved to Singapore for a few months to see if we could build a life here instead. But things didn't work out, and we eventually ended the relationship.

Since coming back, I haven't had much of a social life.

I ended up starting Huddle, an AI-powered social network for fandoms, with my cofounder, Fabian. Starting a company was not the path I had spent my life working toward, but it became another passion.

At this stage, my life is very much centered on work and my family, with whom I live. I choose to have no other commitments outside those two things, which gives me some room to respond when my family needs support.

I make sure my mom gets the care she needs. I take her to the hospital and arrange her treatments. I do the same for my grandparents.

When I returned, my younger sister had just started university. I wanted her to focus on her studies, so I took on more of the day-to-day care for our family.

Once my mom is doing better, I hope to move to the US to grow my company with my cofounder, while my sister and I share responsibility for supporting her.

Coming back meant starting over in a lot of ways. However, I would make that decision again and again for my mom. Always.

• Pat Zawko, a 67-year-old nurse, raised her grandson and now helps raise her great-grandson.
• Pat adopted three children, facing challenges with their health and legal issues over the years.
• Pat balances full-time work with supporting her great-grandson, cherishing her role as a grandmother.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Pat Zawko, 67, who lives in upstate New York and works full-time as a nurse. Zawko raised her grandson from birth, and she is now helping him raise her great-grandson. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

My husband and I raised our grandson from age 5 months to adulthood. We are now helping him raise his son, whom he raises as a single parent.

I was raised in upstate New York in a very rural area. I was one of nine children, the first girl after six boys. My grandmother helped shape who I am today. I didn't go to college until I was 29, and I became a nurse. I progressed to completing my Ph.D.

All our children are adopted. We made that decision very consciously. I found out that I couldn't have biological children, so in 1982, we adopted our first son. He had lots of health issues, and he was in and out of psychiatric facilities. We paid for all of his rehabs and facilities, and he didn't qualify for any subsidies back then. My husband and I decided to adopt two more children, and both of them are very successful in their adult lives.

We got custody of our grandson when he was an infant

When he was 17, he and a young lady ran away to Florida, and they had a child. They were involved with drugs, and we got custody of their son when he was 5 months old. My son died when he was 23.

Raising our grandson wasn't really a choice, and we had to do what was right. He had special needs, which brought with it an entirely new set of needs medically, psychologically, and educationally. There were many challenges in raising him. We couldn't get him insurance for about six months. My husband didn't grow up with money, and he worked very hard in his life, but he never questioned taking the money that he had saved long before he met me and pouring it into these children.

He went down a similar road to his biological father. He got a young girl pregnant, and he became a single dad. He was left with this baby. We were living in Ohio at the time, and we moved back to New York to help him. The parents of the baby's mother are wonderful people and are very supportive financially, physically, and emotionally. There's never tension between us. My great-grandson's birth mother hasn't seen him in two and a half years.

When we took in our grandson, my other children were 10 and 11. We didn't have any baby stuff. We didn't have day care. We were used to sleeping all night because our kids were pretty independent.

Getting my grandson upset the equilibrium of the family. We had to give our kids the attention they needed, but we also had a baby with different needs.

My grandson is 25 now. Back when we started raising him, nobody was talking about the financial and emotional impact that grandparents raising grandchildren has. Nobody stopped to look at how it impacts family dynamics. We couldn't get help. You're stretching out that time period when you're parenting, where you think that you can't be a grandmother because you have to parent this child.

I see it more frequently in my profession, where grandparents, some of them older than I am, bring in grandchildren, sometimes four or five little ones running around.

My grandson needs a fair amount of support with his autism diagnosis. It's a huge transition for him, and he's needed lots of support and guidance.

I can be a grandmother to my great-grandchild

Now that my grandson has a son, I can finally be a grandmother; before this, we were our grandson's only parents. There were times that I felt robbed of being a grandmother with my grandson, as we had to be parents. I wanted to spoil him and send him on his way, but I couldn't.

Now I am technically a great-grandmother, and being able to be a grandmother for the first time. I am overjoyed and thrilled to finally be a grandma and not a parent. I can spoil him, play with him, teach him old songs, and send him home with his dad.

I still work full-time at 67, partly because raising grandchildren is very expensive. I often put in 12-hour night shifts at the hospital. I also had to pay for cancer treatments that ate through my retirement. We poured much of our life savings into making sure he had everything he could to become a productive member of society. He has a home and a car. He works full-time. He's able to experience success in being a parent, which neither he nor I ever dreamed was possible.

We know we did the right thing, but you don't think about the strain it puts on your finances, especially as you approach retirement in your later years. It takes a village to be successful as grandparents raising grandchildren. We don't have the energy that we did when we were 30.

We raised kids for 35 years

For 35 years, we raised kids, and now we have to take care of ourselves, which is not nearly as easy as one might think. We feel the pinch now with our health. But these kids have been worth the investment.

My great-grandson is 3 years old, and helping raise him is the greatest thing I've ever done. He's the light of our life. They don't live far from us, and the baby often stays with us. We get to impact his life on the level that grandparents should. We're probably more active in his life than the average grandparent. He knows nothing other than absolute unconditional love.

When he comes here, we call him the "hurricane" because he trashes the house. When he leaves, we clean it up and take joy in that. He's able to be a kid. We don't need to worry about his doctor's appointments or getting him into preschool.

My other son came by and saw we had given the baby Cheetos. He said, "You would never let us eat that. How come you're letting him?" I told him it's because I don't have to worry about all the other stuff. I understand that a Cheeto is not going to ruin his life, whereas when you're raising your own children, you are so worried about everything that you're going to make a mistake that's going to derail their life.

I used to say that we can make every generation better. If my great-grandson can have a better life than his father, and his father can have a better life than his father, that's the goal.

In vari paesi a chi ha responsabilità di cura viene riconosciuta una priorità di accesso al lavoro da remoto. Dove ci sono le condizioni organizzative e tecnologiche per utilizzare effettivamente la flessibilità, il reddito delle madri aumenta.

L'articolo Lavoro agile, quando la priorità fa la differenza proviene da Lavoce.info.